On the passage of time
which, honestly, has been way too fast lately
Ever since I was a kid, I've always heard from adults that your life passes in the blink of an eye. That you're gonna be sitting down one day, lose your focus for just a little bit, then suddenly years would pass and you'd find yourself somewhere else entirely in life, wondering how you got there. I never really understood this concept - for most of my life, the passage of time has felt glacial to me, if anything. Most days felt like an eternity within 24 hours.
I thought maybe it's something that happens when you get older - like if you're only 10, then a year is 10% of your whole life, but if you're 50 it's only 2%, so it feels faster, or something like that. By that logic, then that kind of effect should only happen when you're really old - there's no way a decade will pass by without noticing if you're just 16, right?
(that's where i got it wrong)
Speaking personally, it feels like just yesterday I was sitting down for my history classes at high school, anxiously waiting for the time i'd get to be one of "the adults" - doing cool things like buying things without having to ask my parents, going out to parties with cheap drinks, and especially because time felt like it passed so terribly slow to me, i actually looked forward to the whole "time passing fast" thing.
Now, I'm already an adult (even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes). Turns out I don't actually like most of the things I created such high expectations for as a child. Parties full of drunk people suck. Being able to just ask your parents to buy stuff was nice. Driving is too much of a responsibility. Actually, turns out I still like a lot of the same things I still did back then, and I didn't grow out of most of them as I thought I would.
Sometimes, it feels like I don't even remember what happened in the past decade of my life. Maybe it's because for a lot of these years I was dealing with personal matters, and so I've decided to just erase these memories and forget the past. It feels like I'm only really starting to wake up to life now. A bit late, but not too much.
And about the title of this post - they weren't lying, now time passes really fast. In a way, I suppose it's better than the feeling of being stuck in the same day forever - though the feeling that weeks can pass in the blink of an eye always leaves a lingering fear that I might accidentally leave behind something important to me. Maybe it's because of this feeling that lately I've been trying to keep mementos of things meaningful to me - in a way, the pictures I post in this blog are a way to store these memories.
There's also a feeling that my responsibilities will crawl up to me faster than I can manage. Even though rationally speaking I know I am capable of doing everything I have to and want to in life, there's always a feeling that because the flow of time is so fast, if I'm not always worried about it then I'll be left behind, and then it'll be too late to catch up.
If you've felt this, know that it's never too late. Try again, as many times as you have to. It'll work out eventually.
A picture from my vacation.
About The Blog
It's been a while since I've made this blog. I put the whole thing together on a special weekend where motivation hit me, was happy with the result, and then I moved on to another personal project which caught my attention (maybe i'll write a post about it?) - and, before i knew it, half the year had passed.
As I mentioned in this post, I want to keep adding to this blog, if anything as a personal diary to keep my memories and thoughts - and occasionally i'll still make a write up about some malware when I feel inspired, though lately I've also been wanting to write about other tech-related subjects.